Couldn't sleep last night, even after taking Melatonin. I'm not sure if the anxiety was over her, or the move, or questioning what I am doing, or finances, or all of the above.
I was pretty shell shocked after our meeting yesterday, so that might be why I'm having doubts about the place I'm moving into- I barely looked at it, didn't really ask a lot of questions... I think I was just stressed about living in a motel and not finding a place soon enough. I realize that it's still open, I'm not locked in to anything, and I can still find another place if this one doesn't work (come on N, and your sweet sweet condo room!) and right now still afford to move... And I can put up with anything for a few months.
I'm not sure I can ever ask her to come over, I don't think she would to begin with, and I'd be embarrassed about what I'm willing to accept as my standard of living... but then again, she wouldn't come over now anyways.
Can I find a job here? What's going to happen with school? Am I going to die alone and penniless? Man I wish sometimes I was a stoner or alcoholic so I could just escape the thoughts in my head. Or point them in some direction other than in a circle.
Well, coffee is brewed, it's early, and I've got to start thinking about moving in now...
No comments:
Post a Comment